


Five Times Carlos and Koshekh Went to War and Koshekh Won (And One Time He Did Not.)

by delusionalintrospection



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Cecil loves both his boys, Domestic Fluff, Feels, Ficlets, Fluff, I'm sorry this was supposed to be light hearted and fluffy all the way through, It's probably gonna be G I just tend to rate T to be safe, Koshekh vs Carlos, M/M, Silly, five times fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-07 10:47:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1896198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delusionalintrospection/pseuds/delusionalintrospection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's kind of like a really messed up threesome. Koshekh and Carlos don't hate each other, not by a long shot, but really, they only deal with each other because they both love Cecil and he loves them both. So they try, for his sake. Sometimes it works better then others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Kitchen

Carlos does not like Koshekh on the kitchen counter. Or the sink. Or the table. Or the cabinet. It's unsanitary and unsafe, and more then once he's gotten up there and knocked over plates and dishes or stolen food. He doesn't care to find cat hair amongst the things he  _ eats with _ , and worse then that, he sometimes finds  _ leakage _ from Koskeh's spines, and whatever that's gotten on usually has to be thrown away. 

 

Koshekh is a big animal. Like,  _ really big _ . Carlos weighed him once, and he came in at a good thirty pounds; as big as some  _ dogs _ . And that was a few months ago; Carlos is fairly sure if he does it again now, he'll probably weigh more. Getting him to stop doing or start doing anything he has decided he doesn't want to is... _ hard _ . He tries the traditional cat-removal measures; water bottles (ignored), fly-swatters (“Don't you  _ dare _ !”), scary sounds (attacked and torn apart), shoving and throwing him off. (About as effective as saying 'please'.)

 

He's tried putting nasty-tasting and nasty-smelling but (very, definitely, non-toxic, Cecil, I wouldn't hurt him, stop looking at me that way) substances down on the counter, tried making it harder to  _ get _ to the counters, once tried smacking Koshekh's rump in punishment. (And had to deal with them  _ both _ sulking at him and refusing to let him touch them for nearly two full days.) 

 

Eventually, he gives up. There is literally nothing that can keep a thirty plus pound, poisonous animal off some surface he wants to be on, least of all when his 'daddy' subverts your every attempt. He finally just learns how to compromise; Koshekh isn't brazen enough to jump up there right in front of Carlos, and Carlos will only make half-hearted attempts to shove him off if he catches him. Koshekh obediently jumps down as if he has been thoroughly put in his place, only to hop up there again the moment Carlos leaves the room. 

 

At least he is being humored. 

 

And even he has to admit that finding Koshekh curled up in the sink, lapping at water dripping down onto his head and purring loudly enough to sound like a small jet engine is kind of adorable. He tries very hard to be angry, and almost manages it until Koshekh's good paw lifts to bat at his sleeve.

 

Cecil finds him, an hour later, singing in Spanish as he cooks dinner, feeding spare bits of raw meat to a big fluffy cat who purrs background vocals in the sink.

 


	2. Any Place Next to Cecil Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both of them are possessive.

 

**Any Place Next To Cecil Ever  
  
**

 

Cecil is an odd little duck in that he likes tight spaces and tight corners. (He's an odd little duck for more reasons then _that,_ to be fair, but it's the one that's relevant for this tale.) Carlos isn't entirely positive _why_ \- even Cecil isn't. They just make him feel comfortable and safe.

 

So sitting next to him usually involves only _one_ open space. This is different in some situations, of course; on the bed, on the floor. But if there's some place where Cecil can wiggle himself that's tiny and enclosed, he _will_. (And Cecil is all long limbs and long body; it's amazing how he can worm his way into some impossibly tiny area. Like a cat, himself, really.)

 

That one place is valuable, valuable realty.

 

Usually, it's a matter of first come, first serve. If Carlos is out of the house, or asleep, then he can't really complain when he comes downstairs or in for the evening and finds Cecil wedged between arm of sofa and cat. Or, okay, maybe he _can_ , since Koshekh is, y'know, _a cat_. And can sit in Cecil's lap or the arm of the sofa, if he really wants.

 

Carlos can not. (Well, he can sit on the arm, he supposes, but really, that's about as comfortable as you'd imagine.)  
  
But one learns, in this household, that one must compromise with a cat at times. So it's usually first come, first serve. Somehow, Koshekh seems to not only understand this but _agree_ with it; if he comes sauntering in, and Cecil and Carlos are curled up together, he'll content himself with being close by.

 

But there are the times they're both downstairs at once. And then it is a veritable battle. There is usually growling from all three parties involved, hissing from at _least_ two, and someone will generally get fed up and storm out. (Or Cecil will, muttering and whining, be forced to abandon his cozy place so they can both fit beside him.)

 

It is in one such situation that Carlos finds himself now; there is a cat with claws embeded in the couch, glaring daggers up at him, and a Cecil, curled up against the arm with his feet tucked under the cushions, looking torn between amused and concerned.

 

“Carlos, just leave it alone. Really. He'll move on on his own when he's ready.”  
  
“He can sit on the arm of the couch.” He protests, but Cecil looks so _upset_ that they're  fighting, so Carlos sighs and situates himself on the floor, leaning against his lover's legs. His back screamed at him for it when he woke up in that position hours later, Cecil snoring gently on the sofa above...

 

...and Koshekh on the windowsill across the room. Dammit.

 

 


	3. The Bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly but surely, the apartment is no longer Carlos and Cecil's.

 

Koshekh isn't the only cat in the world that likes the sink or the tub. He _is_ one of the few Carlos knows about that likes to climb in the shower with you or drink out of the toilet, though. It's annoying as hell because it gets to the point where they can't go into the bathroom without Koshekh barging in after them. Charging up behind you, usually slamming into the back of your legs, to leap onto the sink or into the tub and start meowing loudly.

 

Koshekh does not meow like a normal cat. The closest Carlos can describe it to is the roar of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park; the first time he ever heard it he'd jumped so hard he'd spilled half the liquids he'd been working with. So when he's pissed off or wants something, it's not just the annoying, constant sound a normal cat lets out. It's a wall-shaking roar, and Carlos has had to make amends with neighbors more then once.

 

He's also _big_. And Carlos does not appreciate it when he decides he wants to shower with them. There's not enough _room_ for the two of them and a large cat, and in the end everyone is covered in fur and grumpy.

 

He tries closing Koshekh out of the bathroom. This results in said loud roaring, along with the cat pawing the door so hard Carlos is actually afraid he might manage to claw _through_ it. He tries only letting Koshekh in when someone is in there- _one_ person.

 

This only means Koshekh refuses to be thrown out in other situations, and will literally bowl them over in a mad dart into the bathroom if he thinks he won't be invited in.

 

He tries making it so Koshekh is only allowed in there when they _aren't_.

 

Koshekh throws himself against the door until he's let in.

 

He tries designating _just_ the sink to the cat. That gets the sink broken.

 

In the end, Carlos is forced to admit defeat; especially when Cecil gets all defensive about it being 'Koshekh's home, too', and pouts.

  
It's very hard to argue with Cecil when he's pouting like that.   
  
So in the end, he winds up sharing a shower with not only his lover but his lover and a cat; has to move the cat out of the sink if he wants to brush his teeth; learns that if you hear a _splash_ followed by an earthquake on approximately a 8 point scale Koshekh has fallen into the toilet, learns that they don't need a liter box because _the godsdamn cat uses the toilet like a person_.

 

 

They have to turn the water on for the cat, they have to close the bathroom door before they leave.   
  
The bathroom becomes Koshekh's domain, and he's kind enough to let them use it.

 


	4. Carlos's Office/Lab

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battles get harder.

**Carlos's Office/Lab**

 

Carlos has an official lab, of course; but at home, there is a small room down the hall that is sort of an office and mini-lab all wrapped up in one. Carlos uses it when he can't sleep, or when there's a project he wants to work on a little more desperately. Sometimes it's just his place to think, to take notes and record and study, and sometimes he's sick or Cecil is and he doesn't want to leave the house, so one or two of his team will come over and they'll work in there instead. For a long time, he just- leaves the door closed. It's easier and safer, that way, and it keeps not only Khoshkeh out but Cecil, too, who has good intentions but doesn't always reflect that in practical application.

 

That doesn't last very long though, because he quickly discovers that Cecil feels neglected and lonely if he's locked out of Carlos's office for long. He does a decent job of hiding it, but Cecil isn't a good liar, and Carlos figures it out rather quickly. So the door starts being left open, and while Cecil learns what to and not to touch, Khoshkeh either doesn't or simply doesn't care.

 

He doesn't have enough fingers to count the number of times he's nearly had a damn heart attack. _Most_ of what he keeps at home is fairly harmless, but there are a few substances that really shouldn't be spilled, and not only that but there are a veritable mountain of notes in there both in writing and on the little laptop that nearly become victim to an inquisitive cat. He's lost a few of them- either to spilled liquids or simply Khoshkeh walking over and knocking things down.

 

He- much like with other rooms in the house- tries various things to keep the cat out. This time, though, Carlos puts his foot down; Khoshkeh is _not allowed_ in the office-slash-lab. It's too dangerous and there's too much important in there. So he closes the door and insists it stays closed in between anyone going in and out.

 

The wailing starts on the second week.

 

Carlos is stubborn. This is _serious_ , dammit, the cat _can't_ be in there. Cecil, to his credit, backs Carlos like a good boyfriend; he shoos Khoshkeh away from the door when he catches him, spritzes him with water when he sits on the chair nearby and howls, and does his best not to look like it breaks his heart when the cat goes a full two more weeks not letting either of them touch him. Carlos tries to comfort his lover- tells him that the cat will get over it, will stop sulking eventually. Cecil smiles and nods, but it's obvious that it hurts his heart.

 

Carlos feels his willpower starting to give.

 

The worst part is Khoshkeh _doesn't_ stop; he stops eating, refuses to let them get near him, and spends his days _howling_ outside Carlos's door.

 

And _nights_.

 

The breaking point comes when Carlos finds Cecil crying over the damn situation. He's worried about his baby, he's upset that he'll make Carlos angry, and when he tells Carlos that the cat's food bowl is _still untouched_ and starts to frantically wipe at his eyes he knows he can't hold out anymore.

 

He gathers Cecil into his arms, kisses the top of his head and hugs him close to his chest. “Okay,” He says softly, “okay, _ cariño _ . Shhh. Don't cry over it, Cecil, you'll make us both feel bad.” He laughs gently, teasingly, and that makes Cecil chuckle through his tears, too.   
  
Still- the fact of the matter is the room is  _ not _ cat safe. It takes several days to ready it for Khoshkeh's presence, setting up areas that are blocked off so he can't get into the substances there and making it very clear to Cecil- and the cat- that the desk is an Off Limits Area, like it or not. There are no compromises on that one. 

 

It works. After only two or three days, Khoshkeh is back to normal- eating, affectionate, purring and happy and Carlos  _ knows _ they've been played. The damn cat manipulated them like a con artist. 

 

He doesn't say a word to Cecil. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. The Cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you just have to know when to compromise. Or admit defeat- but compromise sounds better.

 

It takes a while before Khoshkeh is comfortable leaving the house. He's skittish for a while, because- well, he's used to be a stationary floating cat. It takes weeks before he's even comfortable wandering the house. But once he _does_ , they can't keep him still- and it's only a few more weeks before he's bolting out the door after them.

 

They have to catch him mid-bolt at least twice a week- it's the first time they _miss_ him that they realize where he's actually going.

 

The cars.

 

He likes to get up under the hood of the cars, or in the wheel-well, and sleep. This is mildly terrifying, because neither of them particularly wants to accidentally _kill_ the cat. He also tends to get inside if windows are left down, and more then once they've been half way to a destination before realizing he was in the car with them.

 

It takes two trips back home and one uncontrolled cat in Carlos's lab before Carlos gets tired of it.

 

The first thing they do is get a baby gate. That works for about a day, before Khoshkeh figures out he can get over it and bolt for the car before they can catch him. Then they try locking him in another room until right before they're ready to leave; which turns into games of catch-the-cat that run the risk of making them both late. Khoshkeh is _smart_ , and quickly realizes he can evade them and sneak out to the cars.

 

Eventually, they realize they aren't going to win; so long as he only wants _in_ the cars they decide the best thing to do is compromise. Khoshkeh gets to ride with Cecil and stay with him at work.

The cat seems content with this for a long time; but of course he soon decides that his other daddy needs him, too.

 

Carlos can not deal with cat dander in his car.

 

The war begins the day he finds Khoshkeh on his dash. He chases the animal down, but it takes him nearly an hour to get him out of the car, and he winds up with a nasty scratch down his right arm. (It swells like a balloon and oozes puss for a week; the pain is enough to make him ill and he has a fever that worries Cecil, who says he's lucky he didn't catch himself on one of the _spines_.)

 

The sound of Carlos muttering and cursing fluently in Spanish can be heard more often then not as he cleans the car out, or chases the big animal away. There's often snarling and growling involved, and no one's really sure what part is the cat and what part is Carlos.

 

In the end, Carlos has to park down the street.

 


	6. The Bedroom (One Time He Did Not)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Priorities.

 

 

The sneezing wakes him up.

 

He blinks, rubbing at one eye, and feels his heart clench in his chest. Carlos is sitting upright, sneezing ferociously into his elbow, wheezing softly as he finally stops.

 

“Carlos?” He puts a hand to his lover's back, rubbing softly when Carlos leans back into the touch. “Sweetest, what can I do?”

 

Carlos shakes his head, sniffling, points at the cat. “ _Out_.” Is rasped. “Please.”

 

Cecil doesn't hesitate; murmuring an apology, he gathers Khoshkeh into his arms and drops the cat on the other side of the bedroom door, closing it. He turns back to find Carlos in the ajoining bathroom, splashing water on his face.

 

“...Are you okay?” He asks timidly, hovering in the doorway. Carlos nods, gives him a small smile in the mirror.

 

“Just allergies.” He murmurs, extends a hand for his boyfriend; Cecil slips into his hold without hesitation. But he looks so miserable, and he's trying so hard _not_ to look miserable, and guilt slips into Cecil's chest like a stone.

 

That is the start.

 

The scare is the final straw.

 

It's the middle of the night again when he realizes something's wrong; not sneezing this time, but a simple lack of warm presence by his side, a lack of arms around him. He stirs, yawning, and the is faintly aware of the sound of Carlos wheezing again. He sits up, prepared to sooth, and feels his heart go cold.

 

Carlos is perched on the edge of the bed, face in his hands, hand on his chest, eyes closed and brow gently furrowed.

 

“Carlos?” Cecil murmurs, sliding off the bed to kneel in front of him. Carlos smiles, but it trembles slightly. He's heard Carlos wheeze before, but never this badly, and he coughs dryly for a moment, pain crossing his face.

 

Cecil gets scared. Carlos doesn't seem to be honestly struggling to breathe, though, just laboring slightly, and he assures Cecil he's just fine. He goes outside, where the air is cat-hair free, and Cecil pauses, frowns, then gathers up the bedding. He loads up the washer, puts out fresh blankets and sheets, and then goes outside to see Carlos, still wheezing softly, perched on the hood of his car and watching the sun start to rise. (At least it's _quiet_ now.)  
  
“Hi.” He says, coming out to join him; Carlos smiles.

 

“Hi.” He says back, his voice rough.  
  
“Are you- are you okay?” He puts a hand on Carlos's arm, and then instantly cuddles under it when Carlos pulls away to wrap his arm over Cecil's shoulders instead.

 

“I'm fine, Cecil.” Carlos's voice is calm, steady, and that makes Cecil feel better, anyway. But then Carlos coughs, wincing, and it's replaced by guilt again.

 

“But I think we need to talk.”

 

Cecil clambers up onto the car roof with him, nuzzles into his side. “You know, allergy meds only do so much, Cecil.”  
  
“You seem fine, usually.”

 

“I _am_ fine, usually. But sneezing and coughing myself awake in the middle of the night is...pretty unpleasant. So is not being able to breathe.”

 

Cecil winced.

 

“I don't mind sharing a house with the cat, Cecil.” He went on, gently. “I don't even mind sharing _you_ with the cat. But maybe the room where I sleep can be cat-dander free?”  
  
Cecil sighs, curling his arms around Carlos's waist. And he knows saying _no_ is selfish and stupid. Besides, when it comes down to cuddling with a cat or cuddling with his boyfriend...well, that's not really a _choice_ , is it?

 

It takes a few weeks for Khoshkeh to realize he's not going to win this one. He spends them wailing and scratching at the door, sulking and refusing to eat (again), not letting himself be petted, purposely getting his liter everywhere, destroying things.

 

Cecil and Carlos stand firm. Even while Carlos is away, Cecil refuses to allow the cat entrance. Carlos will be home any day, after all!

 

It is only weeks later, when Cecil slumps home with a bottle in one hand, eyes red-rimmed and face drawn- when he staggers to the bedroom and falls onto the bed, barely remembering to toe off his shoes, the bottle falling forgotten to the floor- that Khoshkeh enters the bedroom again. It is only when Cecil curls his long frame in a surprisingly tiny ball, glasses and phone dropped, uncaringly, aside, only when the first sob shakes him does Khoshkeh again slip up beside his daddy, purring his low, rusty purr.  
  
It's only when Cecil buries his hands in his hair, making tiny, broken whimpering sounds, that the cat shoves his way into the blonde's arms.

 

Carlos will be home _any day_. Really.

 

But call him selfish- he can't sleep alone anymore. He will clean the entire bedroom himself, he will scold Khoshkeh in the morning, but just this once, just this _once_.

 

 

 

 

 

**  
  
**

 

 

 

 


End file.
